Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Some random jokes - good ones

Joke time.....๐Ÿ“ข๐Ÿ“ข๐Ÿ“ข๐Ÿ“ข๐Ÿ“ข

๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†
.................................................


Wife - i m going to London do u want any gift 
Hus- a british girl ...
Wife- ok...
Wife returns..
Hus- where is d gift ?
Wife- wait for 9 months
---------------------

In an entrance of an hospital sardar ask a boy
Sardar- why r u crying?
Boy- they cut my finger for blood test...
Sardar- Baap re , i came here  for urine test...๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
................. ...............................

Argument between British and India.
British - we spoiled ur mother land for 200 yrs hahaha
India - hahaha we r spoiling your mother tongue daily hahahahahaha
๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜€
 ........ ...... .............................. ..

Teacher - what is d full form of MATHS..
Student- mentally affected teacher harassing student...
..............................................

Son - Girl next door does not know English
Father -  How do you know ??
Son - I asked her to giv me a kiss and she slapped me. bloody uneducated girl.
๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„
..................................................

Sardar in computr exam.
Exmnr- wht iz microsoft excel ?
Sardar - i thnk it iz a new brand of surf excel to clean d computer...


New in Market...........fwd it quickly....

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Balakrishna jokes

Joke-1
SIR: Nuvvu em kaavalukuntunav?
STUDENT: Nenu MBBS chadivi, Police Ayyi,Manchi software company lo, lawyerga work chesi pedda pedda building lu kattukuntu collector ga job chesukunta
SIR: orey nijam chepu ra nuvu balakrishna fan kada..,?? 

Joke-2
Balayya: Nenu kuda jagan la odarpu yatra cheddam anukuntunnara
Zunior N: enduku babai?
Balayya: mana cinemalu choosi chanipoyina varikosam
Zunior N: nuvu keka babai 

Joke-3
Balaya: Doctor, this Bucket has got a hole. Can you please repair it?
Doctor: Stupid. you knw who iam?
Balaya: Of course I heard that you are a famous “Plastic Surgeon” 

Joke-4
Jr N: Babai naa celllo charging ledu,nee cell ivvu
Balayya: Naa cell full charginglo undi bluetooth on chey pampistaaaa
Jr N: wat a great idea babai!!!!!!! 

Joke-5
Jr N: Enti babay kotta kurchi ekkadidi?
Balayya: Adem ledura ninna interview ki vellin’te take your seat annaaru. Andike pattukochchaaaaaa. 

Joke-6
balayya goes to the programme “koun banega karod pathi”. the conversation between amitabachchan and balayya.
Amitab: In which state godavari flows?
Balayya: Liquid State (some one is clapped amitab is shocked ) (balayya looked behind) Jr N: Babai super!!!

Joke-7
American: First we land on moon
Russian: First we land on jupitor
Balayya from India: Said first we land on sun
America: How is it possible itso hot
Balayya: Ore swamy memu night land ayyamura 

Joke-8
Balayya’s 60th B’day
NTR – Cake meeda BULB endhuku petav babai?
Balayya – 60 Candels pettadam kastam kada andhukani, 60 wats bulb pettanu..!
NTR – Nuvvu keka babai 

Joke-9
Movie Dialogues about Balayya
Pokiri: Evadi cinima chusthe, dimma dirigi mind block avuthundo vaade ballayy
Aadi: Ammathodu addanga narukkunta Avadikanna Balayya theliyaka pothey? 

Joke-10
BALLAYA KI PELLI PELLI CHUPULU………….
Balayya – Entha varaku chadivavu
Ammayi: B.A
Balayya – chadivinave 2 mukkalu avi kuda malla reverse lona….!!!!!!!!! 

Joke-11
Balayya – “batta tala” vunte chala goppa vallu avtaranta nijamena???
Lecturer – “Cheviti na kodaka ‘batta tala’ kadu ra ‘pattudala’ 

Joke-12
Once a Donkey Kicked Balayya & Ran away.
Balayya started chasing & found a zebra & started beating by saying
“dress maruste kanipettalena !!!!!!!!!!!! 

Joke-13
Aghora tells ballaya abt magadheera
“vadu mande agni golam la kanipistadu”
Balayya – Mari Tuesday ela untadu?
AGHORA: Inko 400 years ayna nuv marav ra baaliga 

Joke-14
Jr.NTR – Adenti babai pinni pregnant kada mari delivari ki hospital kakunda pizza shop ki enduku teeskellav?
Balayya – Aare pizza shop lo delivery free anta ra….!!!!!!! 

Joke-15
Balayya – Arey na lover ki msg pampali ra.
Jr NTR – BABAI NEN PAMPISTA na mobile ivu.
Balayya – Aare jagrata hand writing teda rakunda chudu..!!! 

Joke-16
Ballaya calling 2 customer care, a girl received the call
Balayya – hello evaru?
Girl – I am sita
Balayya – Ayyo devuda..idhi AYODHYA ki vellinda!! Sorry sitamma !!!!! 

Joke-17
Jr NTR – Babai 4 x 3 entha ????
Balayya – Adhi kooda teliyadanu kunnava 4 x 3 = 12 ra.
Jr NTR – Aithe 3 x 4 entha ???
Balayya – abbaa question reverse ga adigithe answer cheppa lenani anukunnava ??? 3 x 4 = 21 

Joke-18
Yamudu – I’m Going to Take ur life . Tell ur last wish
Balayya – pls come and watch my film : simha
Yamudu – Rascal.. Nenu neeku Sketch veste, nuvvu naaku sketch vesthava ??? 

Joke-19
Balayya Proposes her college mate : Rani I LOVE YOU!!
RANI – Poyi Principal ki cheptha.
Balayya – Principal ki already pelli ayipoyindha gaaa..

Joke-20
Once Balayya & Jr.NTR will go to shop for re-charging mobile with top up card
Shop Keeper – 30 Rs. Card re-charge chesukunte 26 Rs talk time vasthundhi.
Balayya – aithe migatha 4 Rs. Ki Biscuits ivvu
Jr NTR – Babai. Cream biscuits ivvamani cheppu 

Joke-21
Once there was an offer in a shop “Take anything for Rs.1000 and get 1 saree free”..
Balayya goes into the shop takes change for Rs.1000 and asks for Free saree 

Joke-22
Balayya to Jr NTR – Velli chetlaki(Tree) ki nilu pattu
Jr NTR – It’s already raining.
Balayya – So what take an umbrella and go.
Jr NTR – Nuvu Keka babai 

Joke-23
Balayya – I’ll never marry in my life and I’ll give same advice to my children also 

Joke-24
Laxmi pranitha asked Jr NTR what sort of books you like
Jr NTR – Check books. 

Joke-25
Ballaya giving exam while standing at the door.
Jr NTR – Babai Why are you standing at the door?
Balayya – Abbai, I am giving entrance test 

Joke-26
Jr NTR – Babai nenu ivala Rs 1000/- odipoyanu
Balayya – Ela abbai
Jr NTR – Morning cricket match lo Rs 500/- bet kattanu, INDIA Match odipoyindhi
Balayya – Abbai 500 ee kada, maari migitha 500
Jr NTR – Night high lights mida 500 petta babai, malli odipoyindhi 

Joke-27
Balayya participated in cycle race..Baaga thokkadu kani Odipoyadu
Jr NTR – Enduku odipoyawu babai
Balayya – Evado cycle ki stand vesadu ra.. 

Joke-28
BREAKING NEWS
ISRO DOES NOT EXISTS ANYMORE…..!!
Balayya – PURCHASED ALL THE ROCKETS FOR DIWALI. CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Joke-29
Lecturer asked Jy NTR as:
THINK WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF BALAYYA WOULD HAVE BORN 150 YEARS AGO..?????
Jr NTR – - BRITISH WOULD HAVE FOUGHT FOR INDEPENDANCE… 

Joke-30
Lecturer asked Jy NTR as:
THE PYRAMIDS IN EGYPT ARE ACTUALLY what?
Jr NTR – - Thet are Babai PRIMARY SCHOOL CRAFT PROJECTS!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Joke-31
DEFINITION OF SOLAR ECLIPSE:
WHEN BALAYYA STARES AT SUN WITH ANGER, SUN HIDES BEHIND THE MOON.
THIS GREATEST PHENOMENA IS CALLED SOLAR ECLIPSE………!!!!! 

Joke-32
Lecturer asked Jy NTR as:
Do you know what Ghajini never forgets?
Jr NTR – - GHAJINI never forgets BALAYYA name!!!! Ghajini has a tatto with Babai name on his soul 

Joke-33
Balayyas next project.
Titanic in Telugu .
Climax revised.
Both survive. Balayya swims across the Atlantic Ocean with heroine in one hand and Titanic in the other. 

Joke-34
THE SARDARJIS ASSOCIATION HAS DECIDED TO DONATE ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS TO BALAYYA AS A TOKEN OF THANKS FOR SHIFTING PEOPLES FOCUS AWAY FROM THEM!!!!! :p 

Joke-35
Balayya gets an message on his cell:
kannayya your son is dead
Balayya jumps from the 50th floor
at 45th floor he remembers that he did not have a son
at 23rd floor he remmebers that he is not married
at 3rd floor “shit my name is not kannayya it is Balayya” 

Joke-36 

Joke-36
Jr NTR asked Balayya do you know MS Office?
Balayya – Give me the address, i will GO 

Joke-37
Ballaya buy coffee for Jr NTR
Ballaya says… Drink quickly..
Jr NTR – Enduku babai
Balayya – says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10 

Joke-38
American – Do any great man born your village??
Balayya – No only small babies born here. 

Joke-39
Once Balayya attended an Interview.
Interviewer – Give me the opposite words.
Balayya – Ok
Interviewer – Made in India
Balayya – Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer – Good Keep it Up
Balayya – Bad Put it Down
Interviewer – Maxi Mum
Balayya – Mini Dad
Interviewer – Enough! Take your Seat
Balayya – Insufficient! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer – Idiot! Take your seat
Balayya – Clever! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer – I say you get out!
Balayya – You didn’t say I come in
Interviewer – I reject you!
Balayya – You appoint me 

Joke-40
Jr.Ntr&balaya walking on the road.
They saw 1000Rs note on the road.
Jr NTR – Manam fifty fifty theesukundam babai.
Balayya – Migilina 900 em chedam ra 

Joke-41
Balakrishna went to cloth market
Balayya – Manchi cloth chupinchandi..
Salesman – plane lo chupinch mantara….
Balayya – Nee yabba plane lo kadu ra ikkade chupinchu… 

Joke-42
Interviewer – Me birth place ekkda…?
Balayya – Tiruvnannthapuram….
Interviewer – Tell me the spelling…?
Balayya – Indaka joke chesa, nenu GOA lo puttanu… 

Joke-43
NTR – Babai ratri mobile charging petti padukoku..
Balayya – : Endukura …?
NTR – Battery blast avutundanta…
Balayya – Telusura bacha anduke nenu Battery teesi charging Pettanu… 

Joke-44
NTR – Adenti Babai Tablet sides cut chesi vesukuntunnavu…?
Balayya – Side effects rakunda untayani..
NTR – Rakhi Bagundi evaru kattaru babai…?
Balayya – Abundance na Lovertho nene kattiinchukunna… 

Joke-45
“SPIDER MAN” remaking BALAIAH and the Title will be.
“SEEMALO SALEPURUGU”
CAPTION: Veedu paakaledu yem Peekaledu

Monday, April 20, 2015

Jokes

Can't stop laughing  .................
Sardar's  e-banking password was:

"ram-sita-laxman-hanuman-ravan-delhi-kejriwal"

Banta: Dis much lengthy password?
Sardar: wat to do. Bank fellow told password should contain 5 character & 1 capital.
Banta: Dats ok. But, y Kejrival's name??
Sardar: Oh! One special character  also should b there....๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

#1)
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
Can't resist: 

Teacher: 5 - 5 = how much?
Sudent is quiet…..
Teacher tries again: agar tere paas 5 idli hai  aur main tere 5 idli le lu, tere paas kya bachega?


Student: sambar aur chutney....๐Ÿ˜ƒ

Another gem from IIN

#2)
My friend sent this and I'm cracking .... Joke ::::

A man hunts a DEER, cooks it & serves it for dinner. ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜˜

He doesn't tell kids what it is and asks them to guess.๐Ÿ˜

Kids ask him for some hint ๐Ÿ˜ฏ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

He gives them a Clue:
"It's what your Mom calls me..."๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜

Youngest Son shouts:
"๐Ÿ˜ฑKoi mat khana... 
KUTTA hai KUTTA...!"

#3)
A engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop... 
He went to him & said.. "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back"...So why do I get such a small salary? and u get huge sums....! 
The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said.... "Try the same when the engine is running."

๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘ classic!

.
Continuation
.Engineer. Revenge
.
.
.
.
.
The engineer smiled back came close to doctors ear and said 
I can pick any dead engine and make it alive . . . . . . . But can you ???

๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘ Not only classic but Epic ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ‘
Wife: Meri sharafat dekho..
Maine tumhe dekhe bagair shaadi karli...
Husband: Aur meri sharafat dekho..
Maine dekh kar bhi inkaar nahi kiya..
๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Wife: Phone pe itni dheemi awaaz mein kis se baat kar rahe ho?

Husband: Behen hai..!

Wife: To fir itni dheemi aawaz mein kis liye?

Husband: Teri hai is liye.. ๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

WIFE: Suno ji, agar tumhare baal isi raftaar se jhadte rahe toh main tumhein talaaq de doongi!!

Pati: Ya Allah, aur main paagal inko bachaane ki koshish kar raha tha.....
☺๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜

Wife: Tum Saari Duniya Mein Bhi Dhoondo To Bhi Mujh Jaisi Doosri Nahi Milegi......

Husband: Tum Kya Samajhti Ho? Main Doosri Bhi Tum Jaisi Hi Dhoondoon ga..! Hadd Ho Gayi..
๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜›

Taxiwala:- 
"Saheb Break fail ho gayi hai, Gaadi rukti nahi,  kya karu?"
Passenger :- "PEHLE TU METER BAND KAR.!" 
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Why Hindu Law doesn't permit second marriage?
Answer:- Indian Constitution article 20(2) says: "No human can be punished twice for the same offence..๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

Jagjit Singh singing- Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shaurat bhi lelo..
Suddenly Santa stands up & says-Main toh bahut pareshan hoon, meri toh aurat bhi lelo....
๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜œ
............................................
Tufaani baarish Aadhi raat
Ek aadmi pizza hut se pizza lene gaya 
Pizza wala:- aap married ho??
Aadmi:- saale, aise tufaan me kaunsi maa apne bete ko pizza lene bhejegi..
........................................
Difference between talent and god’s gift:
A man can give lecture for 2 hrs on any subject.
-This is talent.
A woman can give lecture for 2 hrs without any subject.
-This is god’s gift. ๐Ÿ˜œ
.......................................
Bhikhari (Car mein bethi lady se): "Madam 10 Rs dedo..!" Lady ne paise de diye... . . Bhikhari jane laga tabi... . . Lady boli:- Baba Dua To Dete Jao..! . . . . Bhikhari:- BMW Mein To Baithi Hai Moti... Ab Kya... "Rocket Pe Baithegi..!!!" ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†
.............................................
TV Reporter ne ek zakhmi se pucha:
Jab Bomb gira to kya vo jor se gira?
Zakhmi gusse me:
Nahi Saale, vo rengta hua mere paas aya aur sharma k bola..... dhummm.
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
Ek Engineer ko Job nahi mili
to usne ek clinic khola or likha
300 Rs. me elaaj karvaye
elaaj nahi hua to 1000 Rs. wapas
.
.
.
Ek Doctor ne socha 1000 Rs. kamane ka bahut
accha mauka hai
wo clinic me gaya or bola
Doctor : Mujhe kisi bhi chiz ka swad nahi aata
Engineer : box no. 22 me se dawai nikalo or 3 bund
pilado ( Nurs ne piladi )
Doctor : ye to petrol hai
Engineer : Mubarak ho aapko swad aa gaya
laao 300 Rs.
.
.
.
Doctor ko gussa aa gaya
kuch din baad wapas gaya
purane paise wasulne
Doctor : Meri yaad-daast kamzor ho gayi hai
Engineer Nurs se : boox no. 22 me se dawai nikalo
or 3 bund pilao
Doctor : lekin wo dawai to zuban ke taste ke liye
hai
Engineer : Ye lo tumhari yaad-daast wapas aa gayi
laao 300 Rs.
.
.
.
Kuch din baad Doctor gusse me gaya
Doctor : Meri nazar kamzor ho gayi hai
Engineer : Iski dawai mere pass nahi hai
Ye lo 1000 Rs.
Doctor : Lekin ye to 100 kaa note hai
Engineer : Aa gayi nazar
Laa 300 Rs.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ
๐Ÿ˜‚Joke time ๐Ÿ˜‚

If a tiger๐Ÿฏ attacks ur mother-in-law and ur wife at the same time, whom would u save? .........

SANTA : Ofcourse, 
The tiger๐Ÿฏ.. very few are left..!!!! 

๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…
Once Again Our SARDAR wins English Quiz Contest With His Terrific Reply...!!

Question:-Whats The Opposite Of BARCELONA..??

Sardar:- ANDAR SE DO NA...!

๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…
Who is the leader of Ducks ???
Santa: Frog
Why?
Because Frog is Mainduck!

๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…

Santa in police office: ye photos kiski hain ???

Police officer: yeh criminals ki jinko arrest kerna hai.

SANTA: jab photo li tab arrest ker lena tha na.:)

๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…

Ek sardar ka RADIO๐Ÿ“ป kharab ho gaya,

khol k dekha to under CHHUHA๐Ÿญ mra hua tha,

dekh k sardar bola:AE lo,chalega kaise.

๐ŸŽคSINGER to mar gaya. .

๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…
Santa: Ye bata ki duniya๐ŸŒ me kitne desh hai?

Banta: Kar di na pagalo wali bat, duniya me 1 hi desh hai INDIA, baki sab to videsh hai!
๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…

Santa: saala kal raat 3 ghanta

English film dekhi….

Na koi scene dikhi,

Na koi aawaz suni.

Friend: film ka naam kya tha?

Santa: "No Disc Inserted"

๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…
Santa samundar me dahi dal raha tha

Banta-kya kar rahe ho?

Santa-lassi bana raha hu!

Banta-teri isi harkato se log humpe haste hai,

ab itni lassi kon piyega be?
                                                                                                                                                                                           ๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…

Teacher: Ganga, yamuna, Kaveri, Krishna, Bharat ki nadiyo k naam hai

to pakistan ki nadiyo k naam batao??

Pappu :   "Rukhsana, Farzana, Rizwana, Sultana, Shabana
๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
Abhi Abhi naya aaya hai, share karo or hanssi phehalaana ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ‘
MUNNA & CIRCUIT
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
Munna: Kya kar rela hai circuit?
Circuit: Bhai bulb pe baap ka naam likh rela hu
Munna: Kyun!
Circuit: Bhai, baap ka naam roshan karne ka he na.
๐Ÿ˜œ

Munna: Ae Circuit ye Dr. log opration se pehle patient ko behosh kyun karte hai?
Circuit: Bhai! Bole to patient opration sikh gaya to Dr. Logo ki to wat lag jayegi na.
๐Ÿ˜œ

Circuit: Bhai, apun ne kal Sania Mirza se phone pe baat ki.
Munna bhai: Arre wah, kya kaha usne.
Circuit: Usne kaha, Mamu wrong number!!
๐Ÿ˜œ

Munna: ye Gandhi Bapu
har note me haste hi kyu rehte hei ??

Circuit: Simple hai
BHAI, Royenge to note
geeela ho jayenga na.
๐Ÿ˜œ

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Check out your birthday - see what kind of person you are

Check out your Birthday.

(note :jisase bat nai karte ho use bhi send karo.)
                            
31- biggest kamchoor๐Ÿ‘น
30- aadarsh insaan๐Ÿ˜‡
29- smiling face always๐Ÿ˜Š
28- happy go lucky๐Ÿ˜ƒ
27- intelligent person๐Ÿ˜
26- can play with hearts๐Ÿ˜
25- studious๐Ÿ˜ฒ
24- can make others jealous๐Ÿ˜
23- always ready to party๐Ÿ’ƒ
22-caring ๐Ÿ˜Š
21-helpful๐Ÿ˜€
20-sharif☺
19-d perfect person๐Ÿ˜„
18-bazzigar๐Ÿ‡
17-yaaro ka yaar๐Ÿ‘ฌ
16-maa da ladla๐Ÿ‘ถ
15-true lover ❤
14-name bade darsan khote๐Ÿ˜
13-hero/๐Ÿ˜Ž
12-badmas๐Ÿ‘ป
11-cutest๐Ÿ˜ฅ
10-fattu☺
9-bade dilwala๐Ÿ’–
8-sensitive๐Ÿ’—
7-good person๐Ÿ˜ง
6-nautanki๐Ÿ˜œ..
5-smart inshan๐Ÿ‘n
4-fun loving๐Ÿ˜‰
3-smart & honesty ๐Ÿ˜Š
2-lucky person๐Ÿ‘
1- active ๐Ÿ˜
Wat is ur bday date.??

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Akbar Birbal about finding idiots

Akbar called Birbal and asked, like there are Brilliant people in his State will there be Idiots available?. 

Birbal said there will be.

Akbar then ordered Birbal to go around the State search and bring 5 of such Idiots and present to him in the Council.

Birbal was awestruck since you can identify brilliant people by conducting some form of competition, but how to identify Idiots.

However he goes around the State and after a month comes back with 2 such people. There after following is the conversation between Akbar and Birbal

Akbar: Dear Minister I think you are poor in counting, I asked for 5 people and you have brought only 2.

Birbal: Your Highness please let me explain and then you will know yourself

Akbar: OK. Go ahead

Birbal: When I was going around the State I found this guy carrying a huge Gunny Bag on his head and travelling in a Bullock Cart. When I asked he said that if he keeps the bag in the Cart it will be overloaded and hurt the Bulls. I realised he is the 5th Idiot and brought him to you.

Akbar: Excellent. Next

Birbal: I saw the other guy was taking his Buffalo to the roof top of his house for grazing where grass was found grown. I realised he is the 4th Idiot and brought him to you.

Akbar: Fine. Next.

Birbal: When there are so many problems in the functioning of this kingdom, leaving those entire aside I have been going around the State for a month wasting my time in searching for Idiots, hence I am the 3rd Idiot.

Akbar: Laughs out loud. Next.

Birbal: Instead of solving all the problems that are there in the Kingdom, you have been looking for Idiots in your State, hence you are the 2nd Idiot.

Hearing this entire Council was scared and there was pin drop silence.

Akbar: Fine there is truth in your statement. Who is the 1st Idiot?

Birbal: Your Highness when there are so much of work in the Office and Home to attend to, leaving all this aside person who is reading this Story to know who is the 1st Idiot in “What’s App” is the 1st idiot

Market mein naya hain....jaldi share karo..๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Decent jokes

Hilarious๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

An employee goes running to HR and ask his resignation back.
HR(surprised): Today is your last day and what happened suddenly?
Employee: My boss is also coming to same place where I am going..๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜„

Keep Laughing

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Random jokes

Why do we sometimes write 'etc' at the end in the exam?
bcoz it means...
E - End of
T - Thinking
C - Capacity. 
  
๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ญ

-----------------------------------
How to Create d Biggest Doubt in ur Wife's Mind 4 u ?
Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying..
"I Luv u too" (GAME OVER!)

๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ’ฌ๐Ÿ’ฌ

-----------------------------------
When do you know u r in love ?
Ans : When you start searching for the cheapest mobile plan

๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ’“

-----------------------------------
What is the Diff b/w Young Age & Old Age?
Simple : In Young Age Phone Is Full Of Darlings Numbers.
In Old Age : Its Full of Doctors Numbers.

๐Ÿ”ข๐Ÿ”ข๐Ÿ”ข๐Ÿ”ข๐Ÿ”ข๐Ÿ”ข๐Ÿ”ข๐Ÿ”ข๐Ÿ”ข๐Ÿ”ข

-----------------------------------
"Why is Facebook such a hit ?
It works on the principle that
'People are more interested in others life than their own.

๐ŸŽญ๐ŸŽญ๐ŸŽญ๐ŸŽญ๐ŸŽญ๐ŸŽญ๐ŸŽญ๐ŸŽญ๐ŸŽญ๐ŸŽญ

-----------------------------------
A Question Asked In A Talent Test: If You Are Married To 1 Of The Twin Sisters, How would You Recognize Your WIFE?
The Best Answer : Why d Hell Should I recognize ?

๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’ž

-----------------------------------
We Pronounce 22 as Twenty Two, 
33 as Thirty Three,
44 as Forty Four, 
55 as Fifty Five, 
Why not 11 as Onety One?
Doubt By last bench association.

๐Ÿ•š๐Ÿ•š๐Ÿ•š๐Ÿ•š๐Ÿ•š๐Ÿ•š๐Ÿ•š๐Ÿ•š๐Ÿ•š๐Ÿ•š

-----------------------------------
What is the diff between "GHAZAL" & "LECTURE" ?
Every word spoken by the girlfriend is "GHAZAL" 
and 
Every word spoken by wife is "LECTURE"

๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ๐ŸŽผ

-----------------------------------
Whats d diff btwn Pongal n idly?
think...think..think...
Ans : U ll get a holiday for pongal but not for idly.

๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ

--------------------------------
-----------------------------------
What is the height of confusion? 
Two earth worms Playing HIDE AND SEEK in a Plate full of noodles.

๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ

-----------------------------------
Wat is d Biggest Benefit of having a crush in
d same college where u study ?
Ans 100% Attendanzzz

๐Ÿ’ถ๐Ÿ’ถ๐Ÿ’ถ๐Ÿ’ถ๐Ÿ’ถ๐Ÿ’ถ๐Ÿ’ถ๐Ÿ’ถ๐Ÿ’ถ๐Ÿ’ถ

-----------------------------------
Teacher: What Is The Difference Between HIMAMI & TSUNAMI ?
Pappu : HIMAMI is Face Wash, TSUNAMI is Total Wash.!

๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ๐ŸŒŠ

-----------------------------------
When you are in love, 
Wonders happen.
But once you get married, 
You wonder, what happened. 

๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜

-----------------------------------
Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later, somehow don't know why..
alphabets get reversed..

๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ

-----------------------------------
Secret formula for married couples...
"Love One Another"
And if it doesn't work, bring the last word in the middle.!!!! 

๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜œ

Woman jokes

" To Be 26 Again! "๐Ÿ˜‹

A man in his late 40s was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked her what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be 26 again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

On her birthday morning, he rose early, made her a nice big cup of coffee & then took her to Adventure World theme park on a bike.

What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of
Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything....

5 hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling & her stomach felt upside
down.

He then took her to the most exotic restaurant where they ate and danced like never before.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn,
a soda, & her favorite chocolate. What a fabulous
adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband & collapsed into d sofa exhausted.

He looked at his wife with a big smile & lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being 26 again?"

Her eyes slowly opened & her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my waist size, u idiot !" ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Moral : No matter how attentively u listen to a woman, u are still gonna get it wrong ๐Ÿ˜

------
A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied, in a loud voice: “NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the people in the library started staring at the man who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking; I bet you felt embarrassed, right?”

The man responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ... I`M NOT PAYING YOU THAT MUCH !”

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The man whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".
๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™

Friday, February 20, 2015

Some nice jokes

A good forward:
Can you hear a pin drop?

What is the meaning of pin drop silence?

Following are some instances when silence could speak louder than voice. 

Take 1:

Field Marshal Sam Bahadur Maneckshaw once started addressing a public meeting at Ahmedabad in English.

The crowd started chanting, "Speak in Gujarati.  We will hear you only if you speak in Gujarati."

Field Marshal Sam Bahadur Maneckshaw stopped. Swept the audience with a hard stare and replied,

"Friends, I have fought many a battle in my long career.

I have learned Punjabi from men of the Sikh Regiment; Marathi from the Maratha Regiment; Tamil from the men of the Madras Sappers; Bengali from the men of the Bengal Sappers; Hindi from the Bihar Regiment; and even Nepali from the Gurkha Regiment.

Unfortunately there was no soldier from Gujarat from whom I could have learned Gujarati."

You could have heard a pin drop.

----

Take 2:

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when Charles DeGaule, the French President, decided to pull out of NATO.
  
DeGaule said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded, "Does that include the 180,000 who are buried here ?" 

DeGaule could not respond.

You could have heard a pin drop.

----

Take 3:

Robert Whiting, an elderly US gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. 

At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, Monsieur?", the Customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." 

The American said, “The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France !", the Customs officer sneered.

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long, hard look. 

Then he quietly explained.

"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach, at 4:40am, on D-Day in 1944, to help liberate your country, I couldn't find a single Frenchman to show a passport to"

You could have heard a pin drop.
A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy. 

The little boy says, "Dark in here." 

The man says, "Yes it is." 

Boy- "I have a baseball." 

Man- "That's nice." 

Boy- "Want to buy it?" 

Man- "No, thanks." 

Boy- "My dad's outside." 

Man- "OK, how much?" Boy- "$250." 

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. 

Boy- "Dark in here." 

Man- "Yes, it is." 

Boy- "I have a baseball glove." 

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" 

Boy- "$750." 

Man- "Fine." 

 A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth." 

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." 

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" 

The son says "$1,000." 

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." 

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. 

The boy says, "Dark in here." 

The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."
A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday. 

During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. 

The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. 

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me." 

The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
BILKUL FRESH 
Very sweet msg..

In a Nursery School Canteen, there's a basket of apples with a notice written over it:

'Do not take more than one, God is watching'

On d other counter there's a box of chocolates, 
A small child went & wrote on it.
"Take as many as U want, God is busy watching d apples".
NEVER ACT SMART WITH today's generation..!!.๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ


KID :- Why some of ur hair are white dad ? 

DAD : – Every time you make me unhappy , one of my hair turns white ….. 

KID :- Now understand why grandpa’s hairs are all white ….. 

Moral :- Don’t be over smart ..

*************************
Child : Mummy why Gandhiji has no hair on his head?
 .
 .
Mummy : Because he speak only truth.
 .
 .
Child: Now I understud why ladies have long hair....

Moral:- Remains the same.๐Ÿ˜›
Aaj k shaitan bacche:
๐Ÿ‘ซ๐Ÿ‘ญ๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ‘ซ๐Ÿ‘ญ๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿ‘ซ

Principal: School ka time 8 baje ka tha or tum 9 baje aa rahe ho? Little cute Sardar student: Sir tussi na mera intezar na karya karo, school shuru kar diya karo. ๐Ÿ˜‰
Lazyness rocks:
๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€
Boy:mom, pls giv me a glass of water, 
mom: u cum & drink. 
Boy: pls mom. 
Mom: if u repeat, i'll slap u. 
Boy: wen u cum to slap me, bring the water.,....
๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€
Teacher: What is your mother’s name?
Kid: Kabhi naam nahi puchha,
Bas.. 
pyar se MAA kehta hu ..๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€

Nursery ke student ne Exam sheet pe SUSU kar Diya.
Teacher: Ye kya kiya hai?
Student: Mummy ne kaha tha ki Pehle jo aa raha ho wahi karna๐Ÿ˜
๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€

Dukandar se Chota Baccha:
Uncle rang gora karne wali Cream hai..
Dukandar: Haan hai..
Baccha: To lagata kyun nahi, main roz tujhe dekhkar darr jata hu.๐Ÿ˜œ
๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€

Beta- Papa, aap jaise mujhe marte ho, vaise Dadaji bhi apko marte the kya?
Papa- Bilkul marte the
Beta- Toh yeh khandani gundagardi kab tak chalegi...๐Ÿ˜ด๐Ÿ˜
๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€
๐Ÿ“– ๐Ÿ“– ๐Ÿ“–
A Cute Sentence Written By A Child On His Maths Book:

"Dear Maths! Please Grow Up & Start Solving Your Problems Yourself..
I Have My 0wn Problems!" :):):):-) ๐Ÿ˜‚
๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ€

๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜‹
Father:- agar iss bar tum exam mein fail hue to mujhe papa mat kehna...๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก

Aftr exam 

Father๐Ÿ˜ : how is ur result?
Son๐Ÿ˜ก: dimag khrab mat kar Dharampal... tu baap ka haq kho chuka hai...