Office positions compared with Mahabharata characters

Got this excellent forward. Office goers can relate

Dronacharya: 

The Mentor. The employee who doesn't like working himself but is always ready to guide and train new joiners.

Bhishma: 

The Loyal. The employee in a relatively senior position who happily assists the boss in spite of knowing his incompetence (because of some strange oath maybe)

Dhritarashtra: 

The blind boss. He knows that everything is wrong with his project but will still let it function, without making any changes to the current processes.

Gandhari: 

The Yesmen/Women. Boss's immediate juniors who know that they are a part of an evil plan but will stay blindfolded and pretend as if nothing is happening.

Yuddhisthira: 

The ethical guy. Poor chap would never fudge timesheets and call in sick only when he is dying.

Bheema: 

The angry resource. Always ready to pick up a fight with his peers, subordinates or even the bosses.

Arjuna:

The cool dude. The star performer who also knows how to sell his skills. A natural charmer, very famous among the ladies.

Nakul & Sahdev: 

The good average resource. No one notices them. They keep doing their work and get average appraisals.

Duryodhana:

The Bully. Knows how to get work done, by hook or by crook. Doesn't mind threatening the likes of Nakul and Sahdev to get his work done.

Karna: 

The unsung hero. The best performer in the office but never claims credit for his work. Stays an unsung hero for all his life. Girls take him for a snobbish nerd.

Shakuni: 

The evil plotter. Copies management in every mail. Escalates every trivial issue, sometimes to take credits and sometimes purely for fun.

Dhristadyumna: 

The One inning wonder. The one who performs an extraordinary feat, and then basks in the glory of it for the rest of his life.

Draupadi: 

The shared resource. Keeps hopping projects on boss's advice.

Krishna: 

The Ultimate Boss (MD/CEO) who knows that it is his game while he makes everyone believe that they are playing important roles too.

Who says history never repeats itself? It does, everyday.....in the office.

Two minute management course.

Two minute management course.

Lesson One

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Management Lesson - To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons - 

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends the two-minute management course.

WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT!! 😂💕😂

WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT!! 😂💕😂

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started....

*************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started....

***************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.

So, I took her to a petrol pump

And then the fight started....

***************************

My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.'

I replied, 'Your eyesight's perfect.'

And then the fight started....

***************************

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I've not been in a long time."

So I took her to the kitchen.

And then the fight started....

***************************

Dedicated to all 

couples..

I sent to my friend. He sent to his wife and then the fight started 😜

Thought provoking article - God

Sharing an Interesting article:

Forwarding something interesting: regarding those who believe and those who don't believe in God ! Very interesting. It stimulates our lateral thinking :

This lovely parable is from "Your Sacred Self" by Dr. Wayne Dyer. 

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?”The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”

“Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”

The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”

The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”

The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”

The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one has ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”

“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”

The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”

The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”

Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”

To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”

Robbery and lessons

During a robbery in Hong Kong, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: 

"Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you."

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. 

 

This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her:

"Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!" 

 

This is called "Being Professional” 

Focus only on what you are trained to do! 

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school):

"Big brother, let's count how much we got." 

 

The older robber rebutted and said:

"You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!" 

 

This is called "Experience” 

Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications! 

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: 

"Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

 

This is called "Swim with the tide” 

Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!

The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month."  

 

This is called "Changing priority” 

Personal Happiness is more important than your job”.

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. 

 

The robbers were very angry and complained:

"We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!" 

 

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!"

Hotel California in Punjabi

Hotel California in Punjabi

ON the dark GT highway , Big Pagdi on my hair

Warm smell from some dhabas , Rising up in the air

Up ahead in the distance ,I saw a thharra joint

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim ,I must have drunk over a pint

There he stood in the drive way ,I heard a truck driver yell

And I was thinking to myself ,This had to be Devinder Singh Behl

Then he belched and scratched his head, Standing on the highway

And the drivers leaning from their truck car doors , I thought I heard

them say.....

Welcome to the hotel Karnal-afonia , Vaddi changi place (vaddi changi

place) Vaddi changi place ,

Massage, manicure, pedicure at Karnal-afonia,

Any kind of ear (any kind of ear), You can clean it here

His car's grill was definitely twisted ,His Maruti's got some bends

He's got a lot of really petty MLAs , Whom he calls friends

Dancing bhangra in the courtyard , See surdie sweat Some dancer is

this Devinder , Keeps dancing till he's wet

Daler on the ceiling, And on the walls in every guise

Waitresses dressed like actresses, From flicks of Subhash Ghai's

And in the downstairs canteen, I sat down for my meal

Butter chicken, and sarson da saag, the scene was very surreal

Looking for help I saw Devinder, Dancing wildly on the floor

I had to find my hostess back, Oh where was Manpreet Kaur?

Relax said Milkha Singh, Play golf with my son Jeev

Tu ban gaya Punjab da puttar , Now you cant ever leave

So here I am,

Wasting life at the Hotel Karnal-afonia

Vaddi changi place (vaddi changi place)Vaddi changi place

Now I'm a member of Hotel Karnal-afonia

Whoever arrives (whoever arrives)

Stays till he dies !!!

So I told the bell captain, I made a reservation online

And he said, oye khoteya our internet hasnt worked at all Since 1969,

And still those drivers were calling from the driiiive way

Woke me in the middle of the night, I know I heard them say

Welcome to the hotel Karnal-afonia,

Itthey karlo rest (itthey karlo rest)Itthey karlo rest,

Aish karo at the hotel Karnal-afonia

Kudi umar baeeis (kudi umar baeeis) , Will serve you rice....m

Roles and responsibilities

😳Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

😳Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

😳Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

😳Marketing Manager is a person who convinces anyone that he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

😳Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

😳Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

😳Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

😳Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

😳HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months.

😳Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby….!!!!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Quotable quotes

World's 8  superb  sentences

--------------<>-------------

Shakespeare :👌

Never  play  with the feelings

of  others  because  you may

win the  game but the  risk is

that  you  will surely  lose 

the person  for a  life time.

--------------------------------

Napoleon.👌

The world  suffers  a  lot. Not

because  of  the  violence  of

bad people, But because   of

the silence of good people!

--------------------------------

Einstein :👌

I  am  thankful  to  all those

who  said  NO  to  me   It's

because  of  them  I  did  it

myself.

--------------------------------

Abraham Lincoln :👌

If friendship is your weakest

point  then  you  are  the

strongest  person  in the

world.

--------------------------------

Shakespeare :👌

Laughing  faces  do  not

mean that  there is  absence

of sorrow!  But it means that

they  have the ability to deal

with it. 

----------------------

William  Arthur : 👌

Opportunities   are  like

sunrises, if  you  wait too

long  you  can miss them. 

------------------------------

Hitler : 👌

When  you  are  in  the light,

Everything follows  you, But

when  you  enter  into   the

dark, Even your own shadow

doesn't  follow  you.

--------------------------------

Shakespeare : 👌

Coin  always  makes  sound

but  the  currency  notes are

always  silent.  So  when

  your value  increases

keep quiet.

Jokes

Can't stop laughing  .................

Sardar's  e-banking password was:

"ram-sita-laxman-hanuman-ravan-delhi-kejriwal"

Banta: Dis much lengthy password?

Sardar: wat to do. Bank fellow told password should contain 5 character & 1 capital.

Banta: Dats ok. But, y Kejrival's name??

Sardar: Oh! One special character  also should b there....😄😊😛😆😝😜😜

#1)

😂😂😂

Can't resist: 

Teacher: 5 - 5 = how much?

Sudent is quiet…..

Teacher tries again: agar tere paas 5 idli hai  aur main tere 5 idli le lu, tere paas kya bachega?

Student: sambar aur chutney....😃

Another gem from IIN

#2)

My friend sent this and I'm cracking .... Joke ::::

A man hunts a DEER, cooks it & serves it for dinner. 😎😘

He doesn't tell kids what it is and asks them to guess.😁

Kids ask him for some hint 😯😮

He gives them a Clue:

"It's what your Mom calls me..."😊😍

Youngest Son shouts:

"😱Koi mat khana... 

KUTTA hai KUTTA...!"

#3)

A engineer was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop... 

He went to him & said.. "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back"...So why do I get such a small salary? and u get huge sums....! 

The doctor smiled at the engineer and came close to his ear and said.... "Try the same when the engine is running."

👌👏 classic!

.

Continuation

.Engineer. Revenge

.

.

.

.

.

The engineer smiled back came close to doctors ear and said 

I can pick any dead engine and make it alive . . . . . . . But can you ???

👌👏 Not only classic but Epic 😂😂👍

Wife: Meri sharafat dekho..

Maine tumhe dekhe bagair shaadi karli...

Husband: Aur meri sharafat dekho..

Maine dekh kar bhi inkaar nahi kiya..

😝😝😝😝😝😝

Wife: Phone pe itni dheemi awaaz mein kis se baat kar rahe ho?

Husband: Behen hai..!

Wife: To fir itni dheemi aawaz mein kis liye?

Husband: Teri hai is liye.. 😰😰😂😂😂

WIFE: Suno ji, agar tumhare baal isi raftaar se jhadte rahe toh main tumhein talaaq de doongi!!

Pati: Ya Allah, aur main paagal inko bachaane ki koshish kar raha tha.....

☺😝😱😏

Wife: Tum Saari Duniya Mein Bhi Dhoondo To Bhi Mujh Jaisi Doosri Nahi Milegi......

Husband: Tum Kya Samajhti Ho? Main Doosri Bhi Tum Jaisi Hi Dhoondoon ga..! Hadd Ho Gayi..

😛😜😂😝😛

Taxiwala:- 

"Saheb Break fail ho gayi hai, Gaadi rukti nahi,  kya karu?"

Passenger :- "PEHLE TU METER BAND KAR.!" 

😂😂😝😂😂

Why Hindu Law doesn't permit second marriage?

Answer:- Indian Constitution article 20(2) says: "No human can be punished twice for the same offence..😊😊😊😊😊😊

Jagjit Singh singing- Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shaurat bhi lelo..

Suddenly Santa stands up & says-Main toh bahut pareshan hoon, meri toh aurat bhi lelo....

😜😂😛😝😂😜

............................................

Tufaani baarish Aadhi raat

Ek aadmi pizza hut se pizza lene gaya 

Pizza wala:- aap married ho??

Aadmi:- saale, aise tufaan me kaunsi maa apne bete ko pizza lene bhejegi..

........................................

Difference between talent and god’s gift:

A man can give lecture for 2 hrs on any subject.

-This is talent.

A woman can give lecture for 2 hrs without any subject.

-This is god’s gift. 😜

.......................................

Bhikhari (Car mein bethi lady se): "Madam 10 Rs dedo..!" Lady ne paise de diye... . . Bhikhari jane laga tabi... . . Lady boli:- Baba Dua To Dete Jao..! . . . . Bhikhari:- BMW Mein To Baithi Hai Moti... Ab Kya... "Rocket Pe Baithegi..!!!" 😆😆😆😆

.............................................

TV Reporter ne ek zakhmi se pucha:

Jab Bomb gira to kya vo jor se gira?

Zakhmi gusse me:

Nahi Saale, vo rengta hua mere paas aya aur sharma k bola..... dhummm.

😂😂😂😂

Ek Engineer ko Job nahi mili

to usne ek clinic khola or likha

300 Rs. me elaaj karvaye

elaaj nahi hua to 1000 Rs. wapas

.

.

.

Ek Doctor ne socha 1000 Rs. kamane ka bahut

accha mauka hai

wo clinic me gaya or bola

Doctor : Mujhe kisi bhi chiz ka swad nahi aata

Engineer : box no. 22 me se dawai nikalo or 3 bund

pilado ( Nurs ne piladi )

Doctor : ye to petrol hai

Engineer : Mubarak ho aapko swad aa gaya

laao 300 Rs.

.

.

.

Doctor ko gussa aa gaya

kuch din baad wapas gaya

purane paise wasulne

Doctor : Meri yaad-daast kamzor ho gayi hai

Engineer Nurs se : boox no. 22 me se dawai nikalo

or 3 bund pilao

Doctor : lekin wo dawai to zuban ke taste ke liye

hai

Engineer : Ye lo tumhari yaad-daast wapas aa gayi

laao 300 Rs.

.

.

.

Kuch din baad Doctor gusse me gaya

Doctor : Meri nazar kamzor ho gayi hai

Engineer : Iski dawai mere pass nahi hai

Ye lo 1000 Rs.

Doctor : Lekin ye to 100 kaa note hai

Engineer : Aa gayi nazar

Laa 300 Rs.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

😂Joke time 😂

If a tiger🐯 attacks ur mother-in-law and ur wife at the same time, whom would u save? .........

SANTA : Ofcourse, 

The tiger🐯.. very few are left..!!!! 

🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅

Once Again Our SARDAR wins English Quiz Contest With His Terrific Reply...!!

Question:-Whats The Opposite Of BARCELONA..??

Sardar:- ANDAR SE DO NA...!

🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅

Who is the leader of Ducks ???

Santa: Frog

Why?

Because Frog is Mainduck!

🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅

Santa in police office: ye photos kiski hain ???

Police officer: yeh criminals ki jinko arrest kerna hai.

SANTA: jab photo li tab arrest ker lena tha na.:)

🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅

Ek sardar ka RADIO📻 kharab ho gaya,

khol k dekha to under CHHUHA🐭 mra hua tha,

dekh k sardar bola:AE lo,chalega kaise.

🎤SINGER to mar gaya. .

🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅

Santa: Ye bata ki duniya🌏 me kitne desh hai?

Banta: Kar di na pagalo wali bat, duniya me 1 hi desh hai INDIA, baki sab to videsh hai!

🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅

Santa: saala kal raat 3 ghanta

English film dekhi….

Na koi scene dikhi,

Na koi aawaz suni.

Friend: film ka naam kya tha?

Santa: "No Disc Inserted"

🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅

Santa samundar me dahi dal raha tha

Banta-kya kar rahe ho?

Santa-lassi bana raha hu!

Banta-teri isi harkato se log humpe haste hai,

ab itni lassi kon piyega be?

                                                                                                                                                                                           🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅🔅

Teacher: Ganga, yamuna, Kaveri, Krishna, Bharat ki nadiyo k naam hai

to pakistan ki nadiyo k naam batao??

Pappu :   "Rukhsana, Farzana, Rizwana, Sultana, Shabana

😜😜😝😝

😂😂😂😂😂

Abhi Abhi naya aaya hai, share karo or hanssi phehalaana 😝😂😜👍

MUNNA & CIRCUIT

😂😂😂

Munna: Kya kar rela hai circuit?

Circuit: Bhai bulb pe baap ka naam likh rela hu

Munna: Kyun!

Circuit: Bhai, baap ka naam roshan karne ka he na.

😜

Munna: Ae Circuit ye Dr. log opration se pehle patient ko behosh kyun karte hai?

Circuit: Bhai! Bole to patient opration sikh gaya to Dr. Logo ki to wat lag jayegi na.

😜

Circuit: Bhai, apun ne kal Sania Mirza se phone pe baat ki.

Munna bhai: Arre wah, kya kaha usne.

Circuit: Usne kaha, Mamu wrong number!!

😜

Munna: ye Gandhi Bapu

har note me haste hi kyu rehte hei ??

Circuit: Simple hai

BHAI, Royenge to note

geeela ho jayenga na.

😜

Nice message

Sharing a nice message some one has posted to me:

When flood comes, fish eats ants and when flood recedes, ants eat fish. Only time matters. Just hold on. God gives opportunity to every one.

In a theatre when drama plays, you opt for front seats. When film is screened, you opt for rear seats. Your position in life is only relative. Not absolute.

For making soap, oil is required. But to clean oil, soap is required. This is the irony of life.

Every problem has (N+1) solutions: where N is the number of solutions that you have tried and 1 is that you have not tried.

When you are in problem, don't think it's the End. It is only a Bend in life.

Only two category of people are happy in life - the Mad and the Child. 😀

Be Mad to achieve a goal.

Be a Child to enjoy what you achieved. 👍

There is no Escalator to success.

Only Steps !! 😊

Check out your birthday - see what kind of person you are

Check out your Birthday.

(note :jisase bat nai karte ho use bhi send karo.)

                            

31- biggest kamchoor👹

30- aadarsh insaan😇

29- smiling face always😊

28- happy go lucky😃

27- intelligent person😍

26- can play with hearts😍

25- studious😲

24- can make others jealous😏

23- always ready to party💃

22-caring 😊

21-helpful😀

20-sharif☺

19-d perfect person😄

18-bazzigar🏇

17-yaaro ka yaar👬

16-maa da ladla👶

15-true lover ❤

14-name bade darsan khote😁

13-hero/😎

12-badmas👻

11-cutest😥

10-fattu☺

9-bade dilwala💖

8-sensitive💗

7-good person😧

6-nautanki😜..

5-smart inshan👏n

4-fun loving😉

3-smart & honesty 😊

2-lucky person👍

1- active 😏

Wat is ur bday date.??